eSport New Zealand

It’s early afternoon, the temperature is pushing 30 degrees outside and I need a break.

So I’m seriously (yeah, seriously) going to write something about Whisky.

I decided a few months ago I’d get back into Whisky and see where I ended up – normally being very much a beer and G&T drinker.

I’ve been going through various permutations of the substance, and I’ve got 3 very different bottles on the shelf at the moment. Kiwi’s aren’t typically huge on Whisky, we’re a beer-fuelled people – and our women drink RTD’s by the dozen. You can’t roll into the liquor store and pick up a bottle of Scotch for $20 like you would on a beer run, so I thought I’d share my experience in case there’s a geek out there vaguely curious about consuming something a little different – but wants to be steered in the right direction before shelling out the 40 or 50 bucks required to pick up a bottle.

No one wants to burn money on something that frankly tastes like ass, regardless of how cool they might think it makes them look. If you do, you make me sick and should probably leave.

Right – I have 3 bottles of Whiskey: (All are Scotch Whisky, that means they’re made in Scotland and are thus spelt ‘Whisky’ rather than ‘Whiskey’ – anything not made in Scotland has to be spelt with the ‘e’)

These are all bog-standard and available anywhere.

1. Clan MacGregor
2. The Famous Grouse
3. Johnnie Walker – Black Label

1. Clan MacGregor – Cost: ~$35

Don’t let the regal lions head on the label and lid fool you, this is serious booze. I read an online review for this stuff recently, someone had left a comment which read something like: “The only way this Whisky could be improved is if it had a wide neck option”. That should give you some sort of idea as to this Whisky’s place in the world. I think I got 1/4 of the way into the bottle before I wussed out and it was relegated to being used to tenderise meat.

If you’re looking for street cred amongst local hobos – this is your brew.

In a word? – raw.

It doesn’t taste of a Whisky so much as it does the alcohol within the drink. It has a substantial after-taste, much like I imagine turpentine does.

Do not want.

2. The Famous Grouse – Cost: ~$35

This is main-stream Whisky.

A big hit in Scotland as it is the rest of the world, and for fairly good reasons in my opinion. It smells vaguely of raisins, but not in the way that your creepy old Grandmother does.

The drink in a word? – smooth.

If you’re looking for something affordable that doesn’t give you that “I feel like my face has just been smashed in” feeling common to padawan liquor drinkers – this could be the ticket.

A gateway drug if you will.

It also comes in a 1.5L bottle, important? – it could be.

And finally:

3. Johnnie Walker – Black Label – Cost: ~$65

As far as price is concerned this is the odd one out, but I’ve put it in with the others as it is massively popular worldwide. It’s the (second) most popular of all of JW’s blends.

Black Label is a little more ‘refined’ than the other two, but for near double the price you’d hope so. The after-taste is a little less ‘raw’ when stacked up against the others, and it’s made to be that way. This is the drink that brought the US into the Whisky market, it’s designed for the common folk.

In a word? – smokey.

It smells like smoke, and it certainly carries that into the taste.

If you were looking at getting a bottle of Red Label (their bottom shelf blend) I’d definitely look at upping your game to the black. Red Label is pretty rough going all things considered, and is promoted as a mixer (rather than something to be consumed straight, as it should be) by JW themselves.

Quasi-scientific conclusions:

For the money, go the Grouse.

At double the price the Black Label isn’t twice as good, and Clan MacGregor would only be an option for me in a nuclear holocaust.

Thanks for reading, I’m sure you didn’t see this coming.

As always, your mileage may vary.